How to Distinguish the Types of Cheapskates

You have surely encountered a cheapskate more than once in your lifetime. He might have been your annoying colleague. He could be your childhood friend who’s nowhere to be found after the purge.  There’s probably one in your clique who always avoids hanging-out but still poses as part of your elite herd. Maybe he’s your lover, torn between his non-profitable love for you and his savings account. Who knows, it must be you, but you just don’t want to be labelled as such.

One of my friends asked me about my blog’s niche. I answered, “It’s everything about ‘cheapskate’”, and then she replied with a nod and a long pretentious “Ahh” (a perfectly swell response). So, I tried to explain it to a point that I wanted to drill deep into her head and stuff the info in. It helped though, (I mean I didn’t actually drill her head even though it’s tempting.), it made me come up with the topic. I realized that many people might have also found it difficult to put a finger on what the blog is really focused on.

Well, first of, the word cheapskate, simply put, is defined as someone who does not like to spend money, or a person who tries to avoid utilizing his wad of cash maybe up until the country changes its monetary currency.¹ Moving on, here are 7 types of cheapskate I know so far that exist.

Note: The images move sonny! Enjoy it from and 'til it's tagged as Cheapskate™.

1. The Budget Conscious Dweeb

     This cheapskate tracks expenses like a pro, he should run his own bank. One reason why some people don’t spend a lot is because they are said to be “tight on budget”. There’s nothing wrong with budgeting but this fellow goes way over the top. Have you ever been with someone who keeps on mumbling to himself something that goes like this: 

     “Uhm, seriously this [censored muttering here] field trip was not in the scope of this month’s budget [grumbling], this would [insert poetic curses here] lead to the inevitable necessity of dispensing my lifetime monetary savings. [poses a disturbingly sour grumpy face look paired with weird hissing sounds]”.

  2. The Stingy Giver

     Don’t judge, the word “generosity” is a part of his vocabulary, it’s just that “spending on others much” is not. This guy’s got philanthropy alright, but it’s a bit more of a 90/10 kind of thing. 

    “I’ve set aside a personal fund to donate 50 boxes of packed noodles, 40 for my ration and 10 for the God forsaken population!”

  

     3. Mr. Mathematician Miser

     This guy counts every bloody centavo, and hates spending every one of it. Need I elaborate? This guy specializes in arithmetic with flying colors and topped a major in finance. 

            “Every centavo counts.”

4. Frugal Bob

You can hang-out with this guy until forever and never go bankrupt. He goes on night-outs without spending a dime. He can travel to various scenic spots without spending much on anything. He enjoys vacation to beaches and outings like a pensioned retiree. How he does all these is a special trick he has under his deceivingly expensive-looking bargained sleeves.

“There’s nothing chintzy, really, just pure practicality.”

5. Officer Penny-pincher

With him in charge of money, your company would be so wealthy that its indeclinable fund just keeps on increasing. You can just fire him when it gets too messy in terms of financial matters. He keeps money like he’d like to take it to his grave, he is possessive like that. Training him on the usage of money would be a necessity.

"Keep your hands off the moolah!"

6. Peter Piker Travel Buddy

Afraid you’ll run short with money during a vacation? Travel along with this dude, he won’t let you borrow money, however he’ll make sure you won’t even spend much. This guy loves extra-long strolls. He can saunter more miles than that person on Guinness. It’s all just to enjoy everything in sight that nature has to offer. He can be a boy scout as well, bringing packed food, as much as possible, if not enough then he would have the Timon and Pumba diet (you know, protein rich slimy fat worms and others up for grubs). Sometimes you might wonder if this guy once lived with Tarzan or maybe even Pocahontas. (Yeah, this guy has a lot of Disney going on!)

“Why should I buy souvenirs? I can make one. Let’s go find some twigs and stuff from this paradise haven.”

 7. The Homey Scrooge

This is an ironically gregarious fellow who has got nothing to do with issues on introversion. He just hates to spend money and would prefer wasting his life in the corners of his house (if caves even have corners).

“Sorry, can’t go with you. My hands are full today. I can’t even go out and buy me some groceries.”

Do any of these ring a bell? Have you reached self-actualization yet?

This is not mainly to stereotype others, besides we are only human after all. We have got things that we value, and those that we prioritize. Some would splurge and go all out on their money stating that life is only lived once, and that we can’t take our treasures after death (we don’t even know what currency they’re using, if there’s even any there). Other people would safe keep everything that they have for future use. Just remember though, that not all things are permanent, they have to go one way or another. Between saving and spending, the latter is undeniably fun and tempting. It’s just a matter of self-control, on how to use what you have and make sure that it’s not all that you have left. But, at least now you know the cue to when to label someone.

Tag, CHEAPSKATE!

DISCLAIMER: The names or nicknames herein are purely fictional and are products of the author’s keen mind. The people in the pictures do not directly exemplify, at all, in any way, the types mentioned. Everything is just totally coincidental... kinda.

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1 Cheapskate: a person who does not like to spend money: a miserly or stingy person; especially: one who tries to avoid paying a fair share of costs or expenses. As defined in Merriam-Webster Dictionary.^?